Guaranteed Sex in 1 Glass, Pre-Cuffing Season is NOW

(Cuffing Season) Usually the colder months; i.e. fall or winter, when new relationships start and old relationships turn into engagements. The persons in said relationships are “cuffed“, meaning that they no longer seek non-platonic relationships with others.

 

According  to the MTV Cuffing calendar,Pre-Season officially starts September 20. So NOW is the time to prepare if  you want to have relations during these cold nights and not just an external heat source — you can buy a Snuggly , some Long Johns or wait for electric blankets to go on sale on black friday (they always do).  Pull out your pen and paper because the following list of supplies will ensure that each pre-cuffing encounter will  be On Point and reminiscent of that after the club sex scene in Knocked UP ( with protection however) . And if you follow it to a tee , you to might double your regular time .

giphy-2

  1. Brown Liquor

Even if the woman doesn’t drink brown liquor , 9 times out of 10 she WILL drink it if promises of cunnilingus are attached to it.

willett_bourbon

2. Vodka

You can add any fruit juice to vodka and its now a martini.

Orange Juice + Vodka = screw driver

Cranberry + Vodka = Cape Cod

Lemon Juice + sugar+ Vodka = Lemon Drop

Pineapple Juice + Vodka = Just Damn Tasty

Olive Juice + Vodka = Dirty Martini ( for added cool points add a  bluecheese stuffed olive) they will think your both sophisticated and loaded because the olives alone can cost the same as the damn vodka.

If you have never made a drink in your entire life, its pretty Darn hard to mess up vodka and juice to taste . Pretty darn hard I say .

 

martinis-variety

 

3. Moscato

 

Disclaimer : I have a serious dislike for Moscato .  Similar to the feeling that chefs have when they  see a plate come back to the kitchen . The aversion that women have to breaking in new shoes with only 24 hr notice . I hate it with a true passion but after three Whiskey Old Fashions even I WILL DRINK Moscato.  You really should have five bottles of Moscato in the fridge at all times because I’m the exception and not the norm .

moscato-woman

 

4. Glassware and Ice

Nothing says Bro-romance like a Red SOLO cup. Get some appropriate glassware, if you have no clue what that is or what that may look like ,please see exhibit A.

A collection of various types of drinking glasses filled with a variety of beverages
EXHIBIT A

 

There is nothing sexier than a woman swirling ice in a glass or a man finishing a drink and using the ice in his glass to run along your body as he licks the trail up with his tongue. So now that I have you all hot and bothered make sure you have some ice on hand or you will have no other choice but to re-read this article to rekindle the flame and get the juices flowing again . Because nothing kills a mood quicker than  hacking your life away and having to Tbow it  after taking a sip of hot alcohol.

 

tebow-gig

Follow these steps and you can Thank me Now

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